Blurry Eyes of Mine

I just happened to clean up my room in the last three weeks ago and I found some old pictures of me, my friends and family. Some of the beloved people are already gone. It’s very nostalgic, how simple my life used to be.

My eyes used to be full of wonders and dreams until I realized it is hard to fit in into grown-up world. In order to survive, I change a lot. I was a different girl back then, I remembered it.

The people I know were different years ago.

There are friends in that snapshots who are presently married, had kids, some of them I have never seen in ages like my study buddy, Sheena. In certain photos, there are places that I have never gone back since I last visited them when I was a kid. There are places that are no longer existed. I saw a picture of my favorite Maths and English teacher during my school days whose lives were taken by serious diseases. I found a photo of the people whom my family love to hang out with a long time ago, and I don’t know if they are still alive today, where did they go?

And then there’s an album with my ex’s photos in it and tons of our pictures together in our early years of knowing each other. It is the only album I threw away for some reasons.

I saw one picture that reminds me of friendship. It is the one and only photo of my late best friend who was a cancer patient; with me in our class.

My other best friend always says I’ve never change; both of us are still the same person. Well, maybe because we are still playful and acting like a child whenever we spend our times together.

But no, we’ll never be the same. We’ll change eventually whether we like it or not.

There are photos of younger Mom; holding me and my sister when we are very little. Now both of her daughters are choosing their own paths. How many wrinkles have been shown on Mom’s face? Mom’s is not healthy anymore like when we were kids. How much money did Mom spend on us? Did we turn out to be a good child just like she raised us?

Seeing all the pictures, I became so afraid. Afraid of all the changes that have occurred. Who was I? Am I better or worse now?

When I was a kid I never think ahead, I just do what I do. I started my rebellious teenager’s phase and hoping that I could grow up quick. Now I really want to go back in time. I’m weak; never satisfied. I felt so wrong.

‘”Don’t you ever think about it for once in a while? How fast time catches you up. A blink of the eyes and suddenly nothing stays the same. Everything happens so fast!”

Then, it hits me.

I may have lost some people I loved but God met me up with new persons to stay in my present life or maybe in my future. As I grow up, I forget a lot of small things that used to matter the most to me. Nevertheless I shouldn’t stop smiling. Things that bring happiness to me today are different than once I was a kid; this is life.

"Although it is not as simple as you think when you are an innocent child, you have to keep moving forward. Without losing anything, you can’t gain anything either..", as I whispered these words to myself, I slowly put all the photos back into the drawer, while thinking that I should love myself more in order to love my past, present and future.

Books are friends!

Just like almost every other years; it is a must for me and my Mom to join the madness of Malaysian books' greatest event; Kuala Lumpur International Book Fair or short; KLIBF or PBAKL (in Malay it is Pesta Buku Antarabangsa Kuala Lumpur). We attend the event quite late as we went PWTC on the second last day and also on the last day. I manage to grab 5 books including my all-time-favorite inspirational books and the newest series of Misi 4Flat graphic novel. These are some of the photos I took from the event which mostly consist of Mom's happy moments in them. Don't be jelly~! (Man, I hate that word but what harm can it does if I try to use it once in a while)

Atad was hoping we brought him along to KLBIF

This is me (Haha)

Mom with her friend; Pyanhabib

Pyanhabib autographs session

Mom...again

New book; come and grab it!

Mom's autographing her book for her  friends

Some of the well-known faces

Mom's good friends

Ana Muslim's mascot

During a talk at ITBM's booth

Sofa Putih ITBM

There were not enough chairs and tables available

Mom again

I don't know these people but the baby's cute

Another one

Mom and Pak Latip

PTS booth with its best-selling comic

PTS booth and Mom

Mom's looking at some Komik-M products

Mom and her book's editor

Comel is reading Mom's new Kamus Dewan

At last! I was craving for these books!

These are mine

Together with Mom's books

Ahmad Ammar by Pak Latip

Another page of Ahmad Ammar

Atad unwillingly became a model to promote Mom's book

New book!

Another cat; promoting Mom's book

Pelabuhan Matahari

The Mousedeer and The Crocodile

When I was a child, Mom used to read bedtime stories to me and my elder sister. We love them so much. As we became independent readers, we read them on our own. We kept reading the same old stories – folklores from Malaysia and all countries across the world. One of the most famous folklore story books (and also our favorite) is “Sang Kancil dan Sang Buaya” which translated as “The Mousedeer and The Crocodile”. I was so little that time and easily felt sorry for Kancil. I cursed the crocodile for being so bad; he wants to eat Kancil! Fortunately, Kancil save himself by lying to the crocodile and his carnivore friends.

It has been years since I last read the book. Recently I finally got the chance to meet the childhood friend again. Only this time, I’m no longer an innocent child who read books just for fun. With the knowledge I gained, the experiences I’ve been through; I started to think…crocodile is not evil at all. He was meant to eat meats. God created the river beast that way. The real antagonist is in fact our beloved Kancil. He is a liar. He made himself to look like the victim. He has made me care about him! – as a kid of course. Whoa…what a crime.

Then something crossed my mind; the story is actually a reflection of one of the ugliest behaviors possessed by us; the human beings.

A simple explanation or could I say example that can be taken from me myself is; there was a time when I was driving with Mom and suddenly we got lost in the middle of a busy road in Kuala Lumpur. Feeling exhausted and irritated; I failed to control my emotions – causing them to burst onto the wrong person. Yup, my Mom. I put the fault on her. Of course it was not her mistake; it is me who follow the wrong instructions from our car's GPS. I am not the victim of the situation. I acted like one.

Just like Kancil, we tend to see ourselves as victims of certain situations. Why? For some people, they need attentions, the more the better. While others, they want to stay away from the reality. These kinds of people hold variety of reasons. That is why we are full of hatred; we wronged our parents; we created false statements as in fitnah; we put the faults on others. And to those who didn’t realize it yet; they posted on the wall of their Facebook so they could get more supporters who would feel sorry for them; be with them.

No. It has gone too far. There’s too much exaggeration for a simple thing. Why don’t we come to our senses and attend more to other people’s feelings instead of ours. Sometimes we are the predators, not them. We just have to accept the truth.


P/S: Maybe we should listen and learn from the famous song by Akon; "Sorry Blame It On Me"

Why U No Like Comics ? !

Why......

This afternoon before I had lunch with my friends, we went to the bookstore as we just accepted BB1M a few days ago. As I go through the racks of books, I overheard a loud Malay Mom in jogging suit who kept telling her son not to buy comics, in English.

“No comics. It’s not good for you. You can’t learn anything from comics!”.

She kept repeating those dialogues over and over again – which made me a little bit upset about her being so paranoid about graphic novels. It is sad to know there are still parents out there with that kind of attitude. She looks like the educated type of people but when she did the stereotyping, I swear I could sense the flame’s bursting in my heart.

I’m not saying all comics are beneficial, on the other hand keep in mind; not all of them are good-for-nothings. The lady’s son once took a comic from PTS publication which is still in “good comic” category but again, she said no, a big bold NO. For your information, PTS which owns Komik-M has publishes a lot of good quality comics, full with moral values and correct uses of Malay language, include motivations and study tips. In Malaysia we also got Ana Muslim – their comics are really educational for every little child out there. Gempakstarz is way more popular but it doesn't really brings good influences but there are still comics which tell about science and stuffs. There are various kinds of comics, just take a look for a while! When the mom scolded her son, she even held an Ana Muslim’s comic in her hand, and she didn’t realize it.

When I told Mom on this matter, Mom said maybe the comics during the days of the boy’s mother were awful in terms of educating the kids. And maybe she really didn’t notice the development of Malaysian comic industry. Nevertheless I find it hard to believe, well, to begin with; didn’t Dato’ Lat created the well-known and legendary Kampung Boy years before I was even born? But then again I’m not really sure, I don’t live in her childhood, so, maybe Mom’s right.

I am a proud comic reader; I am truly a big fan. From local to other countries’ comics – I read them all. I started to read one when I was still in elementary school which is exactly the same with her son. I got good grades. Hobbies and interests didn’t stop me from studying. In fact, comics helped me to study better. Mom had never prohibited me from reading comics, she read them with me.

You see, sometimes you just need to look from a different perspective. Don’t simply build walls onto something unnecessary; something that’s actually not as bad as you think it is.

TV Trends

During the previous semester break, my big sister came home and kept chit chatting about this funny reality TV show and a singing award or something like that which me and Mom don’t quite understand – we didn’t watch them! Well, Mom did have seen one of the shows but not entirely (she let the cat watched it and she continued her daily home-cleaning job).

In Malaysia, TV obsession is almost as huge as smart phones addiction. Most families here love to have more choices of channels on their television screen – that’s why ASTRO is well-recognized by everyone. However my family is not into television so much, so Mom has never installed ASTRO in our home. Since I was a kid, we as a family only watch TV shows during certain times and on certain channels. Mom only watches TV when she has nothing to do which is really rare, and when there’s a good TV show on air, while Daddy simply watches football matches and some other sports. My sis…she’s unpredictable. She can watch just about anything. I love to watch anime – that has been dubbed into Malay and Chinese (when I was younger), English shows and superheroes cartoons, and sometimes channels that aired Japanese TV series.

Most of my schoolmates didn’t believe me when I told them we have no ASTRO set at home; even the teachers thought I was making jokes. Until now, it’s still weird for my friends to know I’m not an ASTRO customer. Mom taught us to read more; I think it’s normal when you have an excellent educator as your mother. We are not prohibited from watching TV but there’s a limit. 

As we grow up we know how to choose what we want to watch wisely. When my friends talk about a Malay drama series inspired from some POP genre novels, I just go “what?” because obviously I don’t watch that kind of TV show. I don’t need to watch to know the ending. Most Malay movies and TV series aren’t watch-worthy, no offense. I’m not saying all of them but MOST of them. 

I am indeed picky on what I should read and watch as the saying goes; the things you love (hobbies and interests) define the way you think. 

P/s: Actually I just happened to watch Futurama animation and one of the episodes suddenly lighten up my thinking bulb to write about this story. I really like some of the words the characters are saying and I quoted these for you (and again, no offense): 

“But that’s not why people watch TV ! Clever things make people feel stupid, & unexpected things make them feel scared. 

See? TV audience don’t want anything original. They wanna see the same thing they’ve seen thousands times before. “

 – Fry (Futurama Season 1) –

Hahaa, well said. See you in the next post!